Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The News

Guess what, the great barrier reef will be dead in two years because of sun-bleaching and global warming - yes the water temperature will kill all the lickle corals and the reef will die. The Australian government are going to put up curtains to protect it. (This tends to ignore the suggestion that global warming will alegedly raise sea levels by anything between 1 and 3 metres thereby protecting the reef from direct sun damage). Come on be consistent.

Oh yes and if Global warming continues we will have rationing in the UK because food production does too much harm to the environment and you can't eat meat or cereals or vegatables anymore as their production harms the environment. Back to hunter gatherer then I guess.

This chimes with obviously no longer eating food from abroad as getting it here will also harm the environment. Good bye fair-trade bananas, good bye third world fledgling economy.

Oh yes and this will be the hottest year on record ever as January has already been rather hot (although not as hot as 1907 or somesuch when no one worried about global warming, the skies were filled with smog from burning fossil fuels and industry was energy intensive, houses were not lagged and corn-fields, moores and heaths were regularly burned).

By the way, for those who dont know yet, I drive a fuck off big 4x4 and regularly run down children quaintly paying in the streets in it deliberately. I have made said vehicle particularly lethal by adding chrome roo bars as in down town hertfordshire you never know quite what you are going to hit while talking on the phone to your stockbroker/hooker/booky at 70mph.

Today's health scare is that MRSA is gonna get ya as it got more people last year than the year before. You will not however in all probability die of polio or TB and the life expectancy of the average western male continues to rise inexorably.

Please could aliens invade the moon or the Russions return to the cold war so that we can all have some real news and somthing different to worry about other than the "War on Global Warming" for whch Prince Charles has nominated himself to be our champion ( no doubt reflecting on the glory to come while toasting his feet in front of a large wood fuelled fire in one of his 14 houses after a tough day at the wheel of his 5 litre Aston Martin).

We could always go back to "The War on Terror"(Twat ) for short although as national scare story currency this is not selling papers.

A good shortcut to get rid of the crappy eco stories and health scares would be if the CPS could only bring themselves to charge TB with flogging gongs and then we only have nine months of Gordons' first hundred days to worry about.

Fuck.

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Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Blog Awards

No. Thanks but no.

Time magazine has awarded those who create internet content its man of the year award.

Bored Yet?

Think about it.

Pornographers?

Race-hate sites?

Marketting companies?

Spam?

I dont think so.

Theswearinglady? Hutton?Jonnythetwatfromnorfolk? Spinsterella? Surly Girl? Kaz? Myboyfriendisatwat ? All deserving. But please. Take the award and post it up yer' chocolate starfish.

Who gives a shit frankly. Its good to see that the old 5th Estate is trying to bring its sad traditions and practices to the 6th estate. The old media trying to get to grips with the new, to mainstream it and control it, to own it- Time Warner / News International/ Google? Are they the next Microsoft?

While I am rambling on about control- How about the new Sony MP3 players (they have a crappy name like swoosh or something but I really cannot be arsed to find out what it is). They are obviously really good. You can download only from Sony sites- only Sony Music? You can share your music with your mates (so long as they have the same overpriced wotsit) and then they can listen to it twice before it ereases itself. Sony have a history of pulling this shit. Only their own sites/products/etc can be compatible. Different world regions so that they can hike the price in the UK and US. Learnt alot from Microsoft and the avoidance of univerasal compatability.

A pernicious corporation seeking to recoup investment in the music industry. Don't they even have a clue as to why MP3 took off- Becuase we are all heartilly sick of being ripped off by the old media firms like Sony. Do they get it?

I was going to do a piece on Obituaries and even read a dreadful book about them but could not bring the subject to life haha. Thats it for now but loads more ranting to come. New Year. New iritations.